Dealing With Rejection in the Church and Staying the Course
If you have felt rejection in the church, know that you are not alone.
Each of us will contend with rejection in this life. Whether in the workplace, marriage, friendships, or among family, it happens.
But what about inside the church? If it does occur there, should we stick around?
If you have been reading here for a while, you know something of my life. In a recent post, I shared about my involvement in church and ministry.
Most of my experiences in church have been positive and life-giving. Meaningful relationships and opportunities for spiritual growth abounded. God used it all to bring me to where I am today—including moments of rejection.
Did I see those moments as an opportunity for growth? No, and even if I had, I think I would have been too stubborn to acknowledge it. From personal experience, though, I can say I am thankful I stayed the course.
While rejection in the church is not that different from other life scenarios, it usually carries a greater sting. It hurts to ‘be hurt’ in the church.
Was your application to join a ministry team rejected when you were so sure it was the right fit for you? Perhaps while serving on a church committee, you felt rejection by having your ideas overlooked or ignored.
During the child or teen years, you may have felt excluded by others in your church peer group. And I hate to bring this one up, but one example is when we sense rejection by friends—or those we thought were friends—inside the church.
In the early days of the Christian church, Apostle Paul wrote these words to Timothy, whom he considered his spiritual son.
“This command I entrust to you, Timothy, my son…fight the good fight, keeping faith and good conscience, which some have rejected and suffered shipwreck in regard to their faith.” 1 Timothy 1.18-19 (NASB)
Paul wrote to encourage and instruct Timothy on dealing with various issues, including opposition and rejection in Christian leadership. While Paul’s words were applicable to Timothy’s role as pastor of the church in Ephesus, the message is relevant to all believers.
Let us consider what Timothy was up against. The work in Ephesus was newly established, people lacked spiritual maturity, and the culture was rife with false teaching, criticism, and personal attacks.
We can gain insight into Timothy’s struggles by noting that Paul tells him, “May [my words] help you fight well in the Lord’s battles.” (1 Tim. 1.18b NLT) Timothy was in the heat of a battle. He was feeling the pressure and, no doubt, faced ongoing accusations and disapproval both within and outside the church.
There were contemporaries of Timothy, in fact, who had succumbed to this pressure and rejected their faith. Paul writes to implore Timothy to not give in.
Dealing with Rejection and Staying the Course
Friend, do I need to mention we face similar challenges, today? Remember, we walk in the flesh, but we do not fight in the flesh (2 Cor. 10.3-4). As Christians, we will encounter spiritual battles—yes, even in the church.
The enemy is out to destroy any aspect of our lives that brings God glory. He will use rejection and more to accomplish this if we let him. Here are three things you can utilize to counter against feelings of rejection and hurt in the church.
#1 – Fight the good fight. (vs. 18) These words are no less important, today, than they were in the earliest days of Christianity. Friend, keep on fighting the good fight. In other words, do not let feelings of rejection hinder you from pursuing God and His will for your life.
Now, I am not suggesting you should overlook direct mistreatment or abuse. Such behavior should always be brought to the attention of a pastor or ministry overseer. My experience has taught me, however, that most rejection in the church is not intentional. Pray about any hurt you are feeling, and ask God for clarity and wisdom.
Keep fighting the good fight—and stay the course!
#2 – Keep the faith. (vs. 19) Whatever happens, do not reject your faith. We have been talking about rejection in the church and that these things hurt. What we must not ignore {according to instruction found in God’s word} is the importance of not rejecting our faith because we were rejected.
Talking about himself, Jesus said, “The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone.” (Matt. 21.42 ESV) Even the Savior of the world faced rejection on earth. If He could endure for the sake of the will of the Father, we, too, can keep the faith.
Keep the faith, friend—and stay the course!
#3 – Keep a good conscience. (vs. 19) This one is a challenge. At least it has been for me when hurt by something or someone in the church. Nevertheless, Scripture teaches us to keep a good conscience in such circumstances.
This word conscience refers to self-awareness in the moral sphere. Without going into a long explanation, what we must do is combine our moral awareness of the circumstances with the revelation of God about the matter.¹
We can approach this as having a good attitude while daily seeking to bear God’s image, no matter what we are going through. No matter how we may be hurting. Regardless of the rejection we may have encountered in the church.
Keep a good conscience—and stay the course!
If you find yourself in a season of feeling rejected, hit the pause button. Lean hard into Jesus. Spend more time in the Bible. Do not neglect opportunities to worship. You may even need to take a rest from serving in the church, if possible. Take time to heal and hear from the Lord on the matter.
Most importantly, friend, take to heart these key phrases from Paul’s letter to Timothy. Fight the good fight, keep the faith, keep a good conscience—and stay the course in this race we are running.
“And because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold. But the one who endures to the end will be saved.” Matthew 24.12-13 (ESV)
[1] The NASB Topical Index. (1992). (electronic ed.). La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.